Taking Care Of Business

Just for fun.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Ability to pay - Last question asked during root canal treatment

Abnormal returns - Diarrhea

Above par - Just made it

Absolute advantage - Good Swedish vodka

Abusive tax shelter - Talking shelter
A limited partnership that the IRS judges to be claiming tax deductions illegally.

Accelerated depreciation - Was it good for you?

Account executive - Can smile while a blow torch is applied to genitals

Account reconciliation - Divorce settlement

Accountant's opinion - If .. then if .. else .. if .. if.. else .. then you will go to jail a rich man

Accounting exposure - Naked accountant

Accounting liquidity - Drunk accountant

Acid test ratio - Taking LSD
Also called the quick ratio, the ratio of current assets minus inventories, accruals, and prepaid items to current liabilities.

Acquisition of stock - Buying cattle

Active socially - Drinks heavily

Additional hedge - Back fence

Advisory letter - You have been sacked
A newsletter offering financial advice to its readers

Affordability index - Zero

After-hours dealing or trading - Drinking at a Pub

Aging schedule - Viagra in the morning, lunch and dinner
A table of accounts receivable broken down into age categories which is used to determine if customer payments are keeping close to schedule.

Alien corporation - Martians
A company incorporated under the laws of a foreign country regardless of where the company conducts its operations

All in - Scrum
Refers to an issuer's interest rate after accounting for commissions and various related expenses.

Allied member - Penis
A partner or stockholder of a firm that is a member of the NYSE, the partner or stockholder is not personally a member of the NYSE.

Allotment - Home

Alternative investments - Keep money in the bank

Annual rate of return - Vocation

Anoxia - The project plan
Cerebral anoxia is the lack of oxygen to the brain. If severe, it can cause irreversible brain damage. Less severe cases can cause sensory distortions and hallucinations.

Apophenia - Business analysis
Apophenia is the spontaneous perception of connections and meaningfulness of unrelated phenomena. The term was coined by K. Conrad in 1958.

Appraisal rights - Staring at pretty girl

Appreciation - Reading Playboy

Approaches difficult situations with enthusiasm - Delegates

Artery - The study of paintings

Assay - I was late with my assay cause my house burn down

Asset stripper - Lulu
A corporate raider (company A) that takes over a target company (company B) in order to sell large assets of company B to repay debt. Company A calculates that the net selling of the assets and paying off the debt, will leave the raider with assets that are worth more than what it paid for company B.

Asset swap - Trading football cards

Asymmetric information - Everythings
Information that is known to some people but not to other people.

Average officer - Not very bright

B2B - Bug to bug
Business to business. Proof that IT can't spell it should be BTB

Baby bond - Breast feeding
A bond with a par value of less than $1000.

Backup - Parking

Bacteria - Back door of a cafeteria

Bad title - President in charge of vice
Title to property that does not distinctly confer ownership, usually in the context of real estate.

Bank trust department - Joe is, but he is on an extended leave

Bar code - It’s his turn to pay for a drink

Basic business strategies - What are we going to do next?

Bifurcation - Same sex fornication
When a non-linear dynamic system develops twice the possible solutions that it had before it passed its critical level. A bifurcation cascade is often called the period doubling route to chaos because the transition from an orderly system to a chaotic system often occurs when the number of possible solutions begins increasing, doubling each time.

Boning - XXX
Charging a lot more for an asset than its worth

Brainwashing - The mission statement
Mind control (brainwashing) is the successful control of the thoughts and actions of another without his or her consent. Generally, the term implies that the victim has given up some basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes, and has been made to accept contrasting ideas. 'Brainwashing' is often used loosely to refer to being persuaded by propaganda

Bubble theory - Having a bath
Security prices sometimes move wildly above their true values, or the price falls sharply until the "bubble bursts.".

Bug - Valid excuse

Bullet contract - An offer you can't refuse
A guaranteed investment contract purchased with a single (one-shot) premium.

Busted convertible - Car accident
Mainly applies to convertible securities. Convertible bond selling essentially as a straight bond. Assuming the issuer is "money good," or will continue to meet credit obligations, such issues can be highly attractive since the price makes virtually no allowance for the bond's call on the common stock, although such issues usually carry high premiums.

Buying climax - How much? Where?
A rapid rise in the price of a stock resulting from heavy buying, which usually creates the market condition for a rapid fall in the price.

Cache - Needed when you run out of food stamps

Caesarian section - A neighbourhood in rome

Calendar spread - Chistmas dinner
Applies to derivative products. A strategy in which there is a simultaneous purchase and sale of options of the same class at different strike prices, but with the same expiration date

Cash delivery - Payday

Cauterise - Made eye-contact with her

Certificate of Origin - Charles Darwin book
A document certifying the country of origin for goods sold internationally.

Character and integrity beyond reproach - Has not been found out

Chip - Munchies

Circle - Australian patent 1234561
Underwriters, actual or potential, often seek out and "circle" investor interest in a new issue before final pricing. The customer circled has basically made a commitment to purchase the issue if it is available at an agreed-upon price. If the actual price is other than that stipulated, the customer supposedly has first offer at the actual price.

Clustering illusion - Reliable software
The clustering illusion is the intuition that random events which occur in clusters are not really random events. The illusion is due to selective thinking based on a false assumption. For example, it strikes most people as unexpected if heads comes up four times in a row during a series of coin flips. However, in a series of 20 flips, there is a 50% chance of getting four heads in a row

Coma - A punctuation mark

Commodity paper - Paper used in toilets

Conglomerate - Type of soap

Conscientious - Scared

Consensus forecast - Nobody knows

Consignment - Sniffer dog reward
Transfer of goods to a seller while title to the merchandise is retained by the owner

Contribution - Donation at a sperm bank
Money placed in an individual retirement account (IRA), an employer-sponsored retirement plan, or other retirement plan for a particular tax year. Contributions may be deductible or nondeductible, depending on the type of account.

Contribution margin - I can donate more sperm than you
The difference between variable revenue and variable cost.

Cook the books - Favorite accountant’s recipe

Corporate charter - Cheap airline

Cosigner - Optimist
A term referring to a person, other than the principal borrower, who signs for a loan. The cosigner(s) assumes equal liability for the loan.

Council of Economic Advisers - Séance

Cover - Condom
The purchase of a contract to offset a previously established short position.

Covered position - Safe sex
Use of an option in a trading strategy in the underlying asset is already owned.

Crash - Go to party uninvited

Credit Terms - You will pay, pay, pay and pay again

Crystal ball - Information source

Cum dividend - Baby
With dividend; said of a stock whose buyer is eligible to receive a declared dividend. Stocks are usually "cum dividend" for trades made on or before the fifth trading day preceding the record date, when the register of eligible holders is closed for that dividend period. Antithesis of ex-dividend.

Cursor - Cursing sister

Cushion theory - You are sleeping on my cushion
The theory that a stock with many short positions taken in it will rise, because these positions must be covered by the stock.

Cutoff point - Circumcision
The lowest rate of return acceptable on investments

Dead cat bounce - Dropping a cat from 21st floor
A small upmove in a bear market

Dealer - A guy in black leather jacket

Death-backed bonds - The ultimate backer
Bonds backed by loans of a policyholder against a life insurance policy. The policyholder will repay the loans while alive or with the benefits from the insurance policy upon death.

Debenture - Over eating
Any debt obligation backed strictly by the borrower's integrity

Debt instrument - Bank

Debt retirement - Death

Decimalization - Water extracted from stone

Decision maker effect - Ignore me i am not here
The decision maker effect is a term used to describe any of a number of subtle cues or signals from a decision maker that affect the decision. The cues may be unconscious nonverbal cues, such as muscular tension or gestures. They may be vocal cues, such as tone of voice. Research has demonstrated that the expectations and biases of a decision maker can be communicated to a group in subtle, unintentional ways, and that these cues can significantly affect the decision.

Deflation - Flat tyre

Demonstrates qualities of leadership - Talks too much

Denomination - Devil worshipers who can't spell
Corresponds to the face value of currency units, coins, and securities.

Deregulation - We were elected to govern now we won’t

Derivative - Depraved uncle
A financial contract whose value is based on, or "derived" from, a traditional security (such as a stock or bond), an asset (such as a commodity), or a market index

Detrend - Averaging
To remove the general drift, tendency, or bent of a set of statistical data as related to time. Often accomplished by regressing a variable or a time index and perhaps time-squared and capturing the residuals.

Diagonal spread - Too much beer
An options strategy requiring a long and a short position in the same class of option at different strike prices and different expiration dates. For example, two puts or two calls in the same stock.

Digital - Man with all fingers

Dilate - To live longer

Dilution - Sacrilege of putting water in scotch
Diminution in the proportion of income to which each share is entitled.

Disclosure - I never inhaled

Diskette - Small disco dancer

Divisor - X/Y the Y
Used in construction of stock indices. Suppose you have 10 stocks in an index, each worth $10 and the index is at 100. Now suppose you want to replace one of the stocks with another stock (reshuffling happens). Suppose that the new stock to be included is worth $20. So the total value of the index is 110 after the swapping. But we really shouldn't have an increase in value because nothing has happened - other than switching two constituents. So, what people do is to change the divisor. In this case, the divisor goes from 1 to 1.10. Notice that the value of the index, 110/1.1 is now exactly 100 - which is where we began from.

Dollar drain - Shopping

Dollar shortage - Always

Domestic market - Kitchen

Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

Download - Getting the firewood of the truck

Drop-dead day - Good day to start vacation
The date on which a deadline is final, with no exceptions.

Dumping - American toilet habit
Used in the context of general equities. Offering large amounts of stock with little or no concern for price or market effect

Eating stock - Having a steak
When an underwriter can't find buyers for a stock and therefore has to buy them for his own account

Eclectic paradigm - No birth control pills
A theory that posits three types of advantages benefiting a multinational corporation: ownership-specific, location-specific, and market internalization advantages.

Education IRA - Academic terrorist group
A type of individual retirement account enabling the contribution of up to $500 per year for each child up to the age of 18 by the parents in the family.

Empty head and pure heart test - Do you love me?
Securities and Exchange Commission rule that allows only the bidder of a tender offer to trade in the stock while possessing inside information.

Enema - Not a friend

Entropy - Last award
The level of disorder in a system

Equity kicker - Skinhead
Stock warrants issued attached to privately placed bonds.

Escrow - Extinct NY bird
Property or money held by a third party until the agreed upon obligations of a contract are met.

Estate planning - Your wife at hairdresser

EUREX - Brand of a condom
The European derivatives exchange formed in 1998 by a merger of the Deutsche Terminbörse (DTB) and the Swiss Options and Financial Futures Exchange (SOFFEX)

Euro straight - Heterosexual Euro
A fixed-rate coupon Eurobond.

Evaluation period - Just after PMT

Exceptionally well qualified - Has committed no major blunders

Exogenous - I am male, female, both or neither?
Describes facts outside the control of the firm. Converse of endogenous.

Expatriate - Finishing constipation
An employee who is living and working in a foreign country

Expresses himself well - Speaks

Fall out of bed - Foreplay end
A sudden drop in a stock's price resulting from failed or poor business deals gone bad or falling through.

False dilemma - We know where we going and how we going to get there!
The false dilemma is a fallacy of reasoning that omits consideration of all reasonable alternatives. Sometimes called the either-or fallacy, one poses what looks like a true dilemma--I must pick one or the other--when, in fact, there are other viable alternatives.

FAX - What you lie about

Federal gift tax - Tax paid to you by federal government

Fester - Quicker

Fibula - A small lie
The outer and thinner of the two bones of the human leg between the knee and ankle

Figuring the tail - Bum scratch
Calculating the yield at which a future money market (one available some period hence) is purchased when that future security is created by buying an existing instrument and financing the initial portion of its life with a term repo.

Flash - Rapidly closing and opening a raincoat
Value of a security displayed, or flashed across the tape, when the tape display cannot keep up with volume on an exchange and lags the current price is lagged more than approximately five minutes.

Floor official - Janitor
An employee of a stock exchange who settles disputes related to the auction process on the floor of the stock exchange.

Forceful and aggressive - Argumentative

Free rider - Cult motorcycle movie
A follower who avoids the cost and expense of finding the best course of action simply by mimicking the behavior of a leader who made these investments

Freeze out - Beer fridge in the garage
The action of pressurizing shareholders with relatively minor amounts of stock to sell their shares after a takeover.

Furthest month - December?
Used in the context of commodities or options trading to refer to the month that is away from the contract's date of settlement.

Fuzzy Logic - Explaining the meaning of life after 3 vodkas

Garbatrage - Taking the garbage out
Rising stock prices and increased market activity in an entire sector caused by a psychology change stemming from a major takeover involving two companies in the sector. Speculators feel other takeovers are likely in the sector.

Gestation repo - Your baby is repossessed before it’s born
A reverse repurchase agreement between mortgage firms and securities dealers. Under the agreement, the firm sells federal agency-guaranteed MBS and simultaneously agrees to repurchase them at a future date at a fixed price.

Get hit - Sniffing talcum powder
Go lower in price, when bids in the stock or market are hit, causing those bids to vanish and be replaced by lower ones.

Gets on well with supervisors - Gutless

Glossolalia - Ceo address during a general meeting
Glossolalia is fabricated, meaningless speech.

Good staff relations - Too friendly with the opposite sex

Graveyard market - Anatomist driven popular 19th century market
Bear market in which investors who sell are faced with substantial losses, while potential investors prefer to stay liquid; that is, to keep their money in cash or cash equivalents until market conditions improve.

Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

Hard drive - Climbing a hill in the winter rain

Hardcopy - Copy of a tattoo

Hardware - Armor

He/she has potential - But not much else

He/she has unlimited potential - Won't progress beyond basic grade

Hibor - Hungarian soccer player
Hong Kong Interbank Offer Rate

Hidden persuaders - Salary reviews
A term used by Geoffrey Dean and Ivan Kelly (2003) to describe perceptual and cognitive illusions that lead to erroneous beliefs and decisions.

Highjacking - Now we know
Japanese term for a takeover

Hot money - Money microwaved for 5 minutes

House of issue - Maternity hospital
An investment banking firm whose business it is to underwrite stock or bond issues and offer the securities to the public.

Hubris - Humble trader
An arrogance due to excessive pride and an insolence toward others. A classic character flaw of a trader or investor.

Hung up - Lots of traders are known to be well hung up
Describes the position of an investor whose stocks or bonds have dropped in value below their original purchase price.

Hypnagogic state - The meeting
The hypnagogic state is that state between being awake and falling asleep often experienced in meeting after a nice bottle of wine

Hypnopompic state - The meeting
The hypnopompic state is the transition state of semi consciousness between sleeping and waking often experienced in meeting after a nice lunch.

Hysteresis - Always hysterical
Used to characterize a lagging effect. Firms may fail to enter markets that appear attractive, or firms that are once invested in a market may persist in operating at a loss. The effect is characteristic of investments with high entry and exit costs along with high uncertainty.

Illiquid - Solid
In the context of finance. absence of cash flow needed to fulfill financial debts and meet obligations. In the context of investments, describes a lightly traded investment such as a stock or bond that is not easily converted into cash.

Immature - Still plays pc games

Impotent - Distinguished, well-known

In hand - Masturbation
Used in the context of general equities. Firm indicating control of a bid, offer, or order.

Incarnation - New product or project

Indenture - Dentures in a mouth
Agreement between lender and borrower that details specific terms of the bond issuance. Specifies legal obligations of bond issuer and rights of bondholders. An indenture spells out the specific terms of a bond, as well as the rights and responsibilities of both the issuer of the security and the holder

Independent auditor - Auditor dependent on your payment

Indifferent to instructions - Knows more than the boss

Inflation - Erection

Inflation hedge - Cold shower

Inflation risk - Zipper

Infrared - Communist

Infrastructure - We don’t know what it is but we need to improve it

Intelligent design - Whats lacking

Inter vivos - Italian football club
A trust created between living persons. Antithesis of a testamentary trust.

Intraday - Discovered electricity?
Term meaning "within the day," often to refer to the high and the low price of a stock.

Investor fallout - Investor jumping from 21st floor
In the mortgage pipeline, risk that occurs when the originator commits loan terms to the borrowers and gets commitments from investors at the time of application, or if both sets of terms are made at closing.

Invocation - Project start

Jobber - January runner
A term for a market maker used on the London Stock Exchange.

Joint float - Very hard to smoke
An arrangement by which a group of currencies maintain a fixed relationship relative to each other, but move jointly relative to another currency in response to supply and demand conditions in the exchange market.

Judgment is usually sound - Lucky

Karma - Motivation

Keen analyst - Makes mountains out of molehills

Keen sense of humor - Vast repertoire of dirty jokes

Key industry - Burglary
An industry that plays a critical role in a nation's economy

Keyboard - Where you hang your keys

KLOFFE - Vending machine coffee
Kuala Lumpur Options and Financial Futures Exchange

Kurtosis - Kurt(rude) neurosis
Measures the fatness of the tails of a probability distribution. A fat-tailed distribution has higher-than-normal chances of a big positive or negative realization. Kurtosis should not be confused with skewness, which measures the fatness of one tail. Kurtosis is sometimes referred to as the volatility of volatility.

Labour pain - Getting hurt at work

Laisse-faire - Two women, 3 dogs and one man having fun
Doctrine that a government should not interfere with business and economic affairs

Lambda - Dancing with a sexy woman
The ratio of a change in the option price to a small change in the option volatility. It is the partial derivative of the option price with respect to the option volatility.

Laptop - Never seen it dancing

Law of truly large numbers - The budget
"That a particular specified event or coincidence will occur is very unlikely. That some astonishing unspecified events will occur is certain. That is why remarkable coincidences are noted in hindsight, not predicted with foresight."--David G. Myers The law of truly large numbers says that with a large enough sample many odd coincidences are likely to happen. Some people find it surprising that there are more than 16 million others on the planet who share their birthday. At a typical football game with 50,000 fans, most fans are likely to share their birthday with about 135 others in attendance. (The notable exception will be those born on February 29. There will only be about 34 fans born on that day.)

Layup - Stand
Used in the context of general equities. Easily executed trade or order

Lead pipe - Persuader
Used in the context of general equities. Virtually certain that trade will take place; lead pipe cinch.

Leakage - Embarrassing accident
Release of information selectively or not before official public announcement

Leg up - Dog experiencing controlled leakage
Used in the context of general equities. (1)Have a portion of the offsetting side of a trade in your pocket (spoken for) so your capital risk in the transaction is reduced. (Purchase of 10,000 of a 50,000 buy order leaves the trader a "leg up".) (2) Complete one side of a two-sided transaction, as in a swap or contingency order.

Legal defeasance - Lawyer chasing business in a toilet
The deposit of cash and permitted securities, as specified in the bond indenture, into an irrevocable trust sufficient to enable the issuer to fully discharge its obligations under the bond indenture

Legal opinion - My fee is

Letter of transmittal - You have STD
A document used by security holder to accompany certificates surrendered in an exchange or other corporate action

Leverage - Big breasted woman in a low cut dress

Leverage clientele - Big breasted woman clients
A group of shareholders who, because of their personal leverage, seek to invest in corporations that maintain a compatible degree of corporate leverage.

Liability - Ability to lie

Limited partnership - One night stand

Lintner's observations - Its going to rain and roof will get wet
John Lintner's work (1956) suggests that dividend policy is related both a target level, and to the speed of adjustment of change in dividends.

Liquidation - Having a drink

Locked in - Jailed
When an investor is unable to take advantage of preferential tax treatment because of time remaining on a required holding period. Also, a commodities position in which the market has a limit up or limit down day and investors are unable to move in to or out of the market.

Log off - Don't add any more wood

Log on - Add more wood

MAC - Favorite fast food

Macaroni defense - Well thrown bowl of spaghetti
A tactic used by a corporation that is the target of a hostile takeover bid involving the issue of a large number of bonds that must be redeemed at a higher value if the company is taken over.

Mainframe - Holds up the roof

Market out clause - Waiting for Santa
A clause that may appear in an underwriting firm commitment that releases it from its purchase requirement if there are negative securities market developments

Markovian dependence - Vodka
The condition where observations in a time series are dependent on previous observations in the near term. Markovian dependence dies quickly, while long-memory effects like Hurst dependence, decay over very long time periods.

Marriage penalty - Mother in-law
A tax that has the effect of penalizing a married couple because they pay more tax on a joint tax return than they would if they file tax returns individually.

Mature - Retires next year

Mean - You never understand what I mean!
The expected value of a random variable. Arithmetic average of a sample.

Member firm - Erection
Used for listed equity securities. Brokerage firm that has at least one membership on a major stock exchange even though, by exchange rules, the membership in the name of an employee and not of the firm itself.

Merger - There will be no retrenchments! - You are s(f)..ked

Microchip - Small munchies

Minus - Proof that brokers failed math’s
The symbol (-) that precedes the change figure in a stock table to indicate a closing sale lower than that of the previous day. See http://money.cnn.com/services/glossary/m.html

Mob spread - Lots of pizzas
The yield spread between a tax-free municipal bond and a Treasury bond with the same maturity.

Modem - Cutting grass

Monetary policy - Spend, spend ,spend..

Monopsony - My one and only son
The existence of only one buyer in a market, forcing sellers to accept a lower price than the socially optimal price.

Monte Carlo simulation - Monte Christo cousin Carlo pretending to be Christo
An analytical technique for solving a problem by performing a large number of trail runs, called simulations, and inferring a solution from the collective results of the trial runs. Method for calculating the probability distribution of possible outcomes.

Moral hazard - Internet
The risk that the existence of a contract will change the behavior of one or both parties to the contract, e.g. an insured firm will take fewer fire precautions.

Morbid - A higher offer

Mortgage - Mortar age

Mortgagee - Anybody who agrees with Mort

Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live

Move your ARS - Selling Argentinan Peso
ARS The ISO 4217 currency code for Argentinan Peso.

Mutual company - Nice dinner with your partner
A corporation that is owned by a group of members and that distributes income in proportion to the amount of business that members do with the company.

Naked writer - Nudist
Writing an option without owning the underlying asset. Holder is naked because holder may have agreed to sell something not owned.

Near money - Wallet
Assets that are easily convertible into cash, such as money market accounts and bank deposits.

Net yield - Fishing

Network - Fisherman at work

Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates

Numerology - The bottom line
Numerology is the study of numbers and their influence on human life. For example a popular numerology sect called the accountants believe all life can be expressed in a general ledger. This is supported by universal chant of “The bottom line”

Odd lot - Your family
A trading order for less than 100 shares of stock.

On the run - Fugitive
The most recently issued government bond in a particular maturity range.

On the take - Cops
Used in the context of general equities. Price moving upward, because more buyers are taking offerings, causing offerings to vanish and be replaced by higher ones.

Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

Oracle - Knows more than you

Oral contract - The contract your wife broke
A contract not recorded on paper or on computer, buy made vocally which is usually enforceable.

Out there - Not here
Used in the context of general equities. Indication gained from their trading and inquiry activity that buyers and/or (more often) sellers are in the market and should be found to get their order. "Feels like IBM is 'out there'."

Outsourcing - Unemployment

Overage - People who can't spell average
Applys mainly to convertible securities. Difference between how much common stock one party must sell and the other wishes to buy for the same amount of convertible in a swap.

Overissue - Having more then 2.4 children
An excess of issued shares over authorized shares.

Overnight repo - Not paying the bills
A repurchase agreement with a term of one day.

Pagans - People outside the project group

Paraskevidekatriaphobia - Project end date
Paraskevidekatriaphobia also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia is a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th

Parking - Interfacing car in to emty space
Putting money into safe investments such as money market investments while deciding where to invest the money

Parking violation - Parking ticket
Often used in risk arbitrage. Illegal holding of stock by a third party, or the financing of such a stock, in which the third party's sole reason for holding the stock is to conceal ownership or control of a raider, thus sidestepping the Williams Act requirements of 5% holding limits.

PC - Polite computer

Pecking-order view - Chicken coop
The argument that external financing transactions costs, especially those associated with the problem of adverse selection, create a dynamic environment in which firms have a preference, or pecking-order of preferred sources of financing, when all else is equal. Internally generated funds are the most preferred, followed by new debt, and debt-equity hybrids. Finally, new equity is at the least preferred source.

Pelvis - A cousin to elvis

People pill - TV
A form of poison pill providing that the entire management threatens to resign in the event of a takeover.

Period of digestion - About 2 hours
The time period of often high volatility after a new issue is released when the trading price of the security is established by the market.

Perpendicular spread - Kama Sutra page 27
Option strategy involving the purchase of options with similar expiration dates and different exercise prices.

Perpetuity - Place where you can have with other sinners
A constant stream of identical cash flows without end.

Personal exemption - Not me!
Amount of money a taxpayer can exclude from personal income for each member of the household in calculation of a tax obligation.

Petrodollars - Mexican currency

Plus - Beyond sanity
Used to quote a price in 64ths. Dealers in government bonds normally give price quotes in 32nds. To quote a bid or offer in 64ths, they use pluses; a dealer who bids 4+ is bidding the handle plus 4/32 + 1/64, which equals the handle plus 9/64.

Port - Wine

Position trader - Sells standing up, sitting down, lying, running, walking
A commodities trader who takes a long-term approach in maintaining positions in the market and does not close out of these positions until close to the delivery date.

Pot - Hard to smoke this one
The portion of stock or bond issue that is returned to the managing underwriter by the participating investment bankers for sale to institutional investors.

Prayer - We will meet the deadline

Preemptive right - USA foreign policy
Common stockholders' right to anything of value distributed by the company.

Premature distribution - It can be cured
A distribution from an IRA before the owner reaches age 59-1/2. Generally, a 10% penalty tax is owed on such a distribution. Also known as an early distribution or an early withdrawal.

Priori - Found near fire steppes
An argument that proceeds from cause to effect is called an a priori argument; deductive reasoning is therefore a priori. Statements whose truth or falsity can be deduced without having recourse to experiments or experience, are also called a priori statements

Priori effect - The probability of you seeing this document is 1:10000000000000000000000000000000
The probability of you seeing this document blind folded, but after you seen it's 1:1. Associate high intellect with success. Studying winners and neglecting failures etc.

Puke - Expulsion of alien food matter by the governing body
Slang for a trader selling aposition, usually a losing position, as in, "When in doubt, puke it out."

Pyramid scheme - Egyptian board game

Quackery - The upgrade will fix all your problems!
Quackery used to be a pejorative term describing medical charlatanism. As medical charlatanism became more popular and as using pejorative terms became politically incorrect except for the formerly oppressed classes, quackery evolved into different forms within and outside medicine.

Qualification period - Engagement
A period of time during the first few months or weeks of a new policy when an insurance company will not reimburse a policyholder for a claim in order to allow the insurance company time to find any fraudulent information in the application.

Quant - Nerd
A person with numerical and computer skills who carries out quantitative analyses of companies

Quick thinking - Offers plausible excuses for mistakes

Rainmaker - Cloud
A valuable employee, manager or subcontracted person who brings new business to a company.

RAM - Male sheep

Random walk - Going home from a Pub

Realized return - What I made some money on it!

Reboot - Change boots

Record Owner - CD owner
The stockholder of record as distinguished from the beneficial owner.

Recovery room - Place to do upholstery

Redemption date - The day our lord ..

Regional bank - Empty run down building

Remainderman - Movie starring Dustin Hofman
One who receives the principal of a trust when it is dissolved.

Retrospective falsification - Management
D.H. Rawcliffe coined this term to refer to a situation in which a story of the extraordinary is told, then retold with embellishments and remodeled with favorable points being emphasized while unfavorable ones are dropped; the distorted version becomes part of memory, fixating conviction in a remarkable tale.

Rising bottoms - Sumo
Chart pattern showing an increasing trend in the daily low prices of a security or commodity.

ROM - Where the pope lives

Rubber check - Blowing up a condom
A check that bounces for lack of funds

Rump - Bum
Usually used in the context of a merger or acquisition. A group of shareholders who refuse to tender their shares for a merger or acquisition. In a merger of Company A and Company B for example, if a sufficient number of Company B shareholders do not tender their shares, the new company will not be able to access the cash flows of Company B.

Scapulimancy - Forecasting
Scapulimancy is a decision procedure used by the Naskapi Indians whereby the shoulder of a caribou is held over hot coals causing cracks in the bone which are then used to direct a hunting party

SCSI - Week old underwear

Secretion - Hiding something

Selective thinking - Company policy
Selective thinking is the process whereby one selects out favorable evidence for remembrance and focus, while ignoring unfavorable evidence for a belief.

Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast

Shoe horning - Senior management
Shoehorning is the process of force-fitting some current affair into one's personal, political, or religious agenda. Shoe horners frequently shoehorn events to fit vague statements they made in the past. This is an extremely safe procedure, since they can't be proven wrong and many people aren't aware of how easy it is to make something look like confirmation of a claim after the fact, especially if you give them wide latitude in making the shoe fit

Shot gunning - The proposal
To convince one's mark that one is truly right, one provides a large quantity of information, some of which is bound to seem appropriate. Shot gunning relies on the selective thinking and information overload

Shows initiative - Covers for bosses mistakes

Sixth sense - Where did i put it?
The sixth sense is a term sometimes used to refer to psychic abilities such as channeling or hearing the dead talk, ESP (telepathy, clairvoyance or precognition) or telekinesis. Intuitive think they possess this so-called sixth sense.

Slightly below average - Stupid

Software - Bed clothe

Spends hours on the job - Miserable home life

Spouse is active socially - Spouse is a drunk

Strong adherence to principles - Stubborn

Subliminal - If you don't perform you are sacked!
The subliminal is below the liminal (the smallest detectable sensation). Anything truly below the level of detectable sensation could not, by definition, be perceived. However, the subliminal is generally said to be below the threshold of conscious perception. There is a widespread belief, not strongly supported by empirical research, that without being aware of its presence or content, a person's behavior can be significantly affected by subliminal messages. Thus, it is believed that one can influence behavior by surreptitiously appealing to the subconscious mind with words and images. If this were true, then advertisers could manipulate consumer behavior by hiding subliminal messages in their ads. The government, or Aunt Hilda for that matter, could control our minds and bodies by secretly communicating to us subliminally. Learners could learn while listening to music embedded with subliminal messages. Unfortunately, "...years of research has resulted in the demonstration of some very limited effects of subliminal stimulation" and no support for its efficaciousness in behavior modification (Hines, 312).

Sunk-cost fallacy - Valid justification for an upgrade
When one makes a hopeless investment, one sometimes reasons: I can’t stop now; otherwise what I’ve invested so far will be lost. This is true, of course, but irrelevant to whether one should continue to invest in the project. Everything one has invested is lost regardless. If there is no hope for success in the future from the investment, then the fact that one has already lost a bundle should lead one to the conclusion that the rational thing to do is to withdraw from the project.

Superconductor - Amtrak's employee of the year

Tablet - A small table

Tactful in dealing with supervisors - Knows when to keep mouth shut

Take a bath - Wash?

Take a powder - Legal in Amsterdam
Temporarily cancel an order or indication in a stock, while unrepresented interest still exists.

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress - Entertains bosses

Takes pride in his/hers work - Conceited

Talisman - Competitive advantage
A talisman is a cut figure or engraving, such as on a coin, that has magical powers to avert evil or bring about good

Tangibility - Ability to tango

Tax haven - Every claim is approved!

Technical rally - Nerds demo
Short rise in securities or commodities futures prices in the face of a general declining trend. Such a rally may result because investors are bargain hunting or because analysts have noticed a particular support level at which securities usually bounce up. Antithesis of correction.

Telepathy - Pathetic emails
Literally, "distance feeling." The term is often a shortened version of mental telepathy and refers to mind- reading, discerning another's thoughts through ESP

Tenbagger - Oversexed teenager
A stock that grows in value ten-fold.

Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport

The evil eye - Usually accredited to a fianancial controller

The file-drawer effect - Annual report
The file-drawer effect (a.k.a. as publication bias or positive-outcome bias) is the tendency to publish research with positive outcomes much more frequently than research with negative outcomes. Negative outcome refers to finding nothing of consequence, not to finding that something affects us negatively. Positive-outcome bias also refers to the tendency of the media to publish medical study stories with positive outcomes much more frequently than such stories with negative outcomes.

The philosopher's stone - Enterprise resource planning
The philosopher's stone is the magical substance in alchemy that can turn base metals into gold, cure all ills and ailments, and allow its possessor to achieve immortality. Unfortunately, like many wonderful things dreamed up by the alchemists, this substance exists only in the imagination.

The placebo effect - You are doing a good job!
The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health not attributable to treatment. This effect is believed by many people to be due to the placebo itself in some mysterious way. A placebo (Latin for shall please) is a medication or treatment believed by the administrator of the treatment to be inert or innocuous. Placebos may be sugar pills or starch pills. Even fake surgery and fake psychotherapy are considered placebos.

Three steps and a stumble rule - Drunk
A rule predicting that stock and bond prices will fall following three increases in the discount rate by the Federal Reserve. This is a result of increased costs of borrowing for companies and the increased attractiveness of money market funds and CDs over stocks and bonds as a result of the higher interest rates.

TITAL - Napkin
Transaction insured trade acceptance locator

Transferee - Transsexual referee
The party who has received the benefits of a letter of credit by action of a transfer.

Transubstantiation - The business case
Transubstantiation is the alleged process whereby the bread and wine offered up at the communion service has its substance changed to that of the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ while its accidents appear to be that of bread and wine. What looks like, tastes like, etc., bread and wine is actually another substance altogether. How this happens is a mystery and defies logic. How it can happen would require a miracle. Transubstantiation is used to change costs into benefits.

Trepanation - Your boss
"A genius is one to whom the knowledge of the difference between yes and no is innate." - Dr. Bart Huges Trepanation is the process of cutting a hole in the skull. According to John Verano, a professor of anthropology at Tulane University, trepanation is the oldest surgical practice and is still performed ceremonially by some African tribes.

Tumour - More than one

Urine - Opposite of youre out

Usance - Talking to the dead
The time allowed for settlement of a draft.

Varicose - Nearby

Vein - Conceited

Wash - Never get clean
Gains equal losses.

Wishful thinking - Company mission statement
Wishful thinking is interpreting facts, reports, events, perceptions, etc., according to what one would like to be the case rather than according to the actual evidence. If it is done intentionally and without regard for the truth, it is called misinterpretation, falsification, dissembling, disingenuous, or perversion of the truth

Wizard - Annoying software program
A wizard is, literally, a wise person (from the 15th century Middle English wysard). The term came to refer to someone who claims to have supernatural knowledge or power, such as a sorcerer or one devoted to black magic. Today, the term is extended to refer to anyone who has a seemingly magical technical skill.

Would benefit from wider experience - Get rid of the bastard

Xenoglossy - Software help and/or user manual
Speaking or writing in a language entirely unknown to the speaker.

Yo-yo stock - Cattle playing yo-yo
A highly volatile stock that moves up and down like a yo-yo.

Zealous attitude - Opinionated

Zermatism - Corporate culture
Zermatism is a pseudoscience invented by Stanislaw Szukalski (1893?-1987), a gifted Polish artist and immigrant to the United States, in a 39-volume work. Zermatism maintains that all human culture derived from Easter Island after the flood which destroyed all living creatures except those on Noah's ark. All languages derive from a single source (the Protong) and all art is a variation on a few themes that can be distilled down to a single series of universal symbols. Zermatism explains the differences in races and cultures by claiming that they are due to the cross breeding of species. The first humans were nearly perfect but they mated with Yeti with abominable results